Bourbon on the Rocks

The weekends seem to slow to a crawl here in Blogoworld. I think I will celebrate weekends here from now on with a booze related post. I can’t get any more specific than that because I’m too drunk right now. Hahahaha…

This week I tried out a new product. Rocks. Yep, some kind of rocks that you freeze to put in your bourbon instead of ice to cool “mommy’s apple juice” to the right temperature. I’ve been eyeballing this product for a while because I think I would look really continental with rocks in my drink. All the joggers on my street would stop outside, look at me sitting in my rocker on the porch and exclaim, “ooo lala, zee has ROCKZ in zee drink! Vee have never zeen zuch a ting!” In case you are wondering what accent that is, it is a special accent that only I speak. I have multiple personality disorder and my alter ego is named Helga, Voman of de Vorld, From Everyvere and Novere. Helga sometimes sounds French, German, Russian, Chinese… all at the same time. She is fascinating.

Anyway, back to the cold rocks. I took them out of the freezer and put them in a glass that wasn’t broken. Not easy to find in this establishment. I splashed some nice bourbon over the rocks. It looked pretty awesome as you can see. I looked at my beverage for a few minutes, turning it this way and that, examining all its angles. Then, like the connoisseur that I am not, I sniffed my bourbon with my pinky finger held high. Then I tossed that amber liquid down the ole gullet. It tasted good as usual, but there was a BIG PROBLEM.

That beautifully balanced bourbon was NOT COLD. AT ALL.


larceny     drink

I went and got another glass (okay, plastic cup… whatever) and put some more cold rocks and bourbon in there and let it sit longer than before. I assumed that I had had a problem following the three step instructions. Nope. Still not cold but at that point I stopped really caring about the temperature of the bourbon. Instead of dirtying yet another glass and because I had run out of frozen rocks, I just took a swig from the bottle.

That’s when I figured out that I had wasted $20 on rocks and didn’t give a shit that I don’t seem to have a damn cocktail glass that isn’t broken or chipped. The bottle the bourbon comes in is a beautiful piece of art and I don’t need damn rocks to look like a continental booze swilling socialite. And I don’t like joggers who mock Helga either. I’ll take my booze and my joggers straight up.

9 thoughts on “Bourbon on the Rocks

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  2. I also purchased the rocks from Groupon. Exact same reaction – did not chill my scotch at all. Threw them out also! For those interested where they came from, I think someone who installs granite counter tops decided to square up the left overs and sell them.

  3. I, too, bought those stupid rocks hoping for undiluted bourbon and scotch coolness. What a waste of money! I also wonder if one of the rocks could chip a front tooth which would be truly unfortunate.

    • Yeah, and they broke another of my formally unchipped glasses too! Bastards!! I’m throwing those stupid rocks out in the yard where they belong.

  4. I can’t be more amazed that there are “rocks” that you put in drinks. I know I live in Unrefined, NE, but when did they come out with these? I wouldn’t consider buying them because I just learned to drink my beer room temperature, but the fact that they are out there completely amazes me. Next you are going to tell me they developed something to wipe your lacy parts with beside old newspapers.

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